Sometimes, it’s the only choice you have.

What hurts more than walking away when you don’t want to?

Walking away when you don’t want to.. while having to pretend that you don’t care at all when deep inside, it’s killing you — and the only thing you want to do is stay. Just, stay.

Happy 186th, freethinker.

“Freethinkers are those who are willing to use their minds without prejudice and without fearing to understand things that clash with their own customs, privileges, or beliefs. This state of mind is not common, but it is essential for right thinking; where it is absent, discussion is apt to become worse than useless.”

―Leo Tolstoy

Over a century later, what he said still holds true. 

The “stranger” that was the answer

All my life I have been dying to know. 

I have been looking for the answer, and at the same time, the answer has been looking for me.

It was a typical day at the café. Same croissant, same cold cappuccino waiting for me to drop the lengthy novel I have committed myself into finishing. The only difference from the other 71 days I have spent time in solitude here? 

Approached. By a stranger. Gray-haired, wrinkly, about the age of someone’s grandfather. Never have I encountered this man before, but… those eyes, there was something about his eyes. Puzzled yet interested, I gave him my name. 

“I’ve been looking for you.”

—–

Let’s say, for as long as you can remember, you have always wondered about the future. What if you have been searching everywhere for clues? What if you have reached the point wherein you gave up getting into relationships because you are just exhausted of all the hurt and the pain you continuously have to deal with because of those relationships? Or, what if you have been tired of being so alone all your life that you would give or do anything in your ability to know if you are actually going to have that fairy tale ending of happily ever after with your prince charming or you end up cuddling with your pet cats every single night?

Then what if, in your usual hangout, during what seemed to be another uneventful day in a café, someone interrupts your usual routine? And the biggest what if — what if this man who did the act claims to be a 70-year old version of your future life partner whom you have not met yet, says that you will meet him at the same spot at his right age, young, the time you are supposed to meet, but first, you have to come with him and save him?

—–

“I’ve been looking for you.”

He tells me all about it as he tries to convince me that he was speaking of the truth and  to leave the place with him despite me not having any idea who this crazy person is. Parents always warn children against talking to strangers, much more would they prohibit going who-knows-where with one.  Mine, of course, did.

However, I am the risky kind. Would I sit for another lonesome day in a seemingly hopeless café, or would I rather say yes to the possibility of an adventure? More importantly, would I say yes or no to something that could change my life not knowing if it would be in a positive way or a negative one?

Those eyes that felt familiar.. they felt like home. They told me— he was the answer. I grab my book and my bag, leaving my cold cappuccino untouched as I rush out of the place with an old man… to who-knows-where.